Power of Positivity and Self-Love
I have been away for a few weeks. Away from my blog and my business. To be honest, I was in a rut. I was rundown from the daily grind, trying to juggle a full-time job, a full-time relationship and social media for my side hustle. Aside from that, I was in search of the perfect diet. I was determined to beat my binge eating. Each week was a new way of eating and with that, came a new failure. Nothing was working.
I started catching myself saying very negative things. "I'm a loser." "I'm fat." "I'll never be thin. Diets don't work for me." "Who do I think I am to inspire other women to eat clean when I binge eat?" Now, I'll admit, I was never completely in love with myself all the time but I was never this down. I stopped going to any physical yoga classes. I feared people would look at me as the fat girl and judge me. I told myself I couldn't keep up with everyone else so when I came home from work, I would lay on the couch and watch hours of TV to self-soothe.
I had enough energy to drag myself to meditation classes but my meditations were becoming dark and dim and I was really wondering what was going on. I didn't feel like myself. And every time I sat on my meditation pillow, strange images would flash before me. I have been on a spiritual journey long enough to know that these images were here to teach me something and I started to realize exactly what that was. My meditations were reflecting the way I felt about myself. And I knew something had to change.
So when I had a negative thought, I replaced it with "I love myself." I slowly started taking yoga classes again and setting my intention... a positive one that incorporates self-love. Little by little, I am beginning to feel like me again. I am still unhappy with my weight, BUT I am starting to turn myself around. I really believe what triggered this downfall for me was the season change. I always tell myself the same thing, over and over. This week will be different, this month will be different, this year will be different... I will finally lose the weight. As summer approaches, I feel unhappy in my skin and no way of eating is helping.
As a health coach, I want to eat intuitively. I want to eat the right things, in perfect moderation and lose weight naturally. Truth is, when you have an eating disorder, it doesn't come that easily. I wanted to go back on a raw diet, but my stress was causing me to crave pizza instead of kelp noodles. I don't believe in commercialized diet plans, but one thing that has always worked for me is Weight Watchers. It really helps me to track my food in a way that allows me to eat healthy and not binge on the junk. It gives me the tools I need to see exactly where I am and what I am eating. But I wanted to stay away from Weight Watchers because it made me feel like a fraud. How could a health coach go on Weight Watchers? That thought was just another negative thing floating around in my monkey mind.
Once I realized that the thought was just that - a thought, I began to realize that I am not here to give you the "perfect diet plan" or tell you exactly how to stop binge eating. I will never be a weight loss expert. I will never write and sell books claiming I have the new miracle diet. I am here to teach you and myself the power of self-love. And how it can transform every single aspect of your life. Including weight loss. When I love myself right down to the core, I want nothing more than to take care of my body, mind, and spirit. It's getting into that state of mind and staying there that I am working on. I let my binges take control of my mind. I need to find a way to bring myself back.
I believe our mind is like a muscle. And we can train that muscle just like every other muscle in our body. The more I believe I love myself, I will. Right now I am really working on the power of positivity. My meditation teacher told me to wake up every morning and say, "It's going to be a good day." And she is right. When we flood our consciousness with positive thoughts our lives change. And isn't it time we lived our best life? I downloaded the Weight Watchers app a few days ago and went to a difficult yoga class this morning. I truly believe these small actions are stepping stones to big changes. Hope you all have a great week. Sending love and light. Namaste.