New Year - New Focus
I got really caught up in the holidays this year. Decorating, parties, shopping and trying to relax when and where I could. I did a horrible job at keeping up with my blog. So I apologize. I hope you are all well and the new year is treating you with all the love and light you deserve.
I was going to do a New Years post and talk about all the wonderful, inspiring things I wanted to do this year, but as the new year drew closer, and it came and went, I realized that I needed more than to just come up with a resolutions list. I knew that this year was going to be different. This year was going to be a year of transformation and growth for me.
I have been faithfully taking a meditation class twice a week for the past two months. It has changed me. It has inspired me. It has made me go deep. And I am so thankful for all it has done and is doing. I bought a mala, and I chant mantras now. I went to a Kirtan class for the first time at a studio I had never been to, and it changed my life. It has made me crack open and realize there is a lot of healing to do and I believe this is the year I am going to do it.
I started this blog with an intention of documenting my food journey and talking about emotional and binge eating addiction. I intended for this to be a place where I can let go and hopefully help other women realize they are not alone. As time went on, it started to become more of a vegan food blog. I tried a raw diet which I loved and I was posting tons of recipes and posting vegan food on social media. I thought maybe my problems are not the main focus and what I really want to do is help people transition to a plant-based lifestyle and provide tools for those already living one. Perfect!
The only problem is that while I blogged about cucumber noodles and nutritional yeast, I was also searching for a way to stop stuffing brownies in my face. But I didn’t tell you guys that. I didn’t want my food addiction to be the center of attention again. Because I was failing at stoping my problem. I began to realize that at my core this was and still is about overcoming food addiction.
My whole life I’ve been on a diet. I’ve tried so many of them. Eat this, don’t eat that, count calories, count fat, don’t eat carbs. You know the story. I’m sure most of you live it yourself. I thought a vegan diet would cure me. Then I thought the raw diet would cure me. Last month I thought high carb, low fat would cure me. Here’s the truth: food addiction isn’t about the food we’re eating. The food means nothing. There is an emotional issue tied to the addiction. And until I can get to the core of that problem, I will always let food run my life.
So what was the point of this rant? Well.... I decided to get to the bottom of my emotional suffering so I can live a life free from emotional and binge eating. How? It has nothing to do with food. Or diets. I need to find a spiritual solution to this problem. That is what my heart is telling me. This coming year is going to be a year of spiritual growth and healing. And finally getting to the bottom of my eating disorder. It’s kind of funny; I never admitted I had an eating disorder until just about a year ago. I always identified as overweight and I needed to be on a diet, and that never solved a thing. It’s time to dig deep and let go of fear and be nothing but pure light and love.
I will still post delicious raw and vegan recipes so if you’re here for that, don’t worry! That is still a part of me, and I love cooking. I hope this post finds you all well. Love you all so much. Talk to you soon! I have some awesome posts coming up in the next few weeks so stay tuned!