Sometimes Life Sucks
Life . . . It happens to all of us. Sometimes it's great. Sometimes it's exciting. Sometimes it's blissful. And other times it just downright sucks. I don't mean for this to be a negative post, but I have been going through some stuff, and since this blog is all about being honest, open and bare, here it is.
This past week was the last week of my raw challenge, and not a lot of it was raw. I was incredibly emotional and felt depressed at times. I have been trying to find true happiness, whatever that means, for years. Trying to find it in a job, in a friendship, in my relationship with my significant other. And no matter how hard I search, I never find it.
This week has made me question a lot of my decisions. Am I doing the right thing by blogging and dedicating my life to social media? Am I spending my precious time doing the things I love? Is there really even a right answer to that?
Many of you don't know; I am a singer. Not a professional one, but for as long as I can remember, since I was a little girl, I have identified as a singer. I love music and even went to school for it in my early 20's. I gave it up because I found out after school I had an irreversible vocal issue that hindered me from singing for long periods of time. Vocal lessons may have helped, but nothing would solve the problem completely. Music started to become a chore vs. something I loved.
I thrashed around the idea of giving up many times before I actually did. It hurt. In fact, it stung incredibly bad and still does to this day. But finding my love of veganism, holistic health and yoga have allowed me to forget about music and focus on other things. I found something else I was passionate about, and that was enough.
But this past week has proved otherwise, and for some reason, I am missing music more than ever. I was actually brought to tears a few times thinking about it. Am I making a mistake? Am I screwing up my life?
I know you would tell me to just go back to music. If I miss it so much then why don't I just pick back up where I ended off? Because between working full time and running a blog I have no time. No time to even grab the guitar and fiddle around. It's either music or blogging. I can't have both. At least not right now.
I've been wondering what the right thing to do is. Will I be 50 and wish I kept doing music? Or will I be 50 and wish I kept blogging and inspiring others? Again, there is no right or wrong answer to these questions.
So, here I sit. Confused and a little depressed. Today I played guitar and sang for a few minutes. It felt like home. But where do I go from here? I think at the end of the day, it's not about perfection, as much as it's about persistence. If I want to play guitar, sing and blog all while working full-time then why not? Right?
Easier said than done but I have to start somewhere. I thought about maybe putting a few videos of me singing and playing guitar up on my Instagram and Facebook. Will my followers like it? I don't know, but it might be enough to get my music fix. And isn't that the most important thing?
Life is crazy. Life is messy. And all we can do is our best. Everyday . . . Starting now. Thanks for reading. Much love to you guys! Stay true to yourself. That's where you will find your real, authentic happiness.
Have a great week. Talk to you soon.